What a fashion let-down this Oscars was, amirite? A lot I think we've all seen before, and a few surprises (Anne Hathaway much?), but not the good kind. I'm not sure anyone really took my breath away, and maybe that's just a testament to how weird red carpets have gotten since stylists have become ubiquitous. Anyways, here are the ones that, for whatever reason, struck me.
Charlize Theron looked like an ethereal glamazon in her Dior couture. How many people can rock the same pixie as Ellen DeGeneres, wedding white and tower over everyone without looking the least bit like they're trying too hard? She's delivered some of my favorite moments on the Oscar red carpet and although this was incredible, I'm sad to say it's not even my favorite I've seen from her. Alas, that's the kind of night we were having.
The fluffy, frou frou Oscar de la Renta gown has become cliche, but I thought it was a real departure from Amy Adams, who has never really worn something this princess-y. Her soft, not-too-fussy hair was a perfect counter-balance and she just looked completely event-appropriate, unlike some people.
I'm sure some people hated Halle Berry's Versace dress, which was a total Dynasty-level '80s-style drama gown, but I thought it was perfect for her. It even matched the Bond montage! She had become so predictable, always wearing mostly see-through gowns with feathers or ruffles sewn to cover her naughty bits, and I liked how this was more covered up but maybe even more sexy.
I don't know if I LOVED Reese's Louis Vuitton gown...the bow was a little immature looking, but the fit is incredible and her hair was perfection. The color is also great with her eyes.
Kristen Stewart is here purely based on the achievements of Reem Acra. The beadings and ruffles are really pretty on this gown, but girl just about ruined the effect with her bedhead, ridiculous insistence on hobbling instead of using crutches and generally sour attitude. I super dislike her.
On another actress I can't promise I would have loved Kerry Washington's Miu Miu gown, but on her, the color was so lovely and the make-up was a perfect complement. This is a woman who completely understood her role at the show. She's there as an ABC star, as a star of a nominated film and as a presenter, so she needs a little sparkle, but doesn't need to act like a pretty pretty princess. Now, if she's ever nominated, I expect she'd be turning the glamour dial up to 11.
Good, But ...
Jessica Chastain has become so reliable for being in the "close, but no cigar" category. There's always something just off...either the fit, or the color, or the styling. For me, this Armani didn't work for a couple reasons. On screen, it didn't read bronze, but looked instead like a bedazzled spanx bodysuit. Also, the silhouette is very, very similar to most of the gowns she's worn and on that level, I'd just like to see her push herself a little further until she lands on something that truly feels right. It always seems like it's too tight in her bust. I loved her hair and make-up, though, and the dress wasn't an atrocity. I just don't think it was the dream fantasy I had in mind. She needs to take some lessons at the Julianne Moore School for Making Redheads Look Bangin.
This is super nitpicky, so bear with me. I really, really thought the detailing on Amanda Seyfried's Alexander McQueen gown was lovely, but for the entire red carpet, the fabric would bunch up between the halter and the bust because there was just slightly too much fabric. It was driving me INSANE. Her make-up was also too matchy. That said, she still looks beautiful and I love that she wore something really different.
The color of Jennifer Garner's Gucci gown? Perfection. The necklace? Hands down, one of my favorites I've ever seen at the Oscars, ever. The flamenco costume in the back? Ummmm. I just...I couldn't love it. I tried to love it, but it was inherently kinda weird when juxtaposed with the super-clean front of the gown. We couldn't help but wonder how smushed it would look after sitting for a couple hours.
Zoe Saldana looked really elegant, and my husband especially thought she looked great. Her Alexis Mabille gown moved really beautifully, with the layers at the bottom fluttering up and down and every step. But still, I just couldn't land on the side of love. It felt overembellished and like five too many concepts in one dress. Without the huge bow on the side of the belt, which kind of looked like one of those tribute ribbons you wear to show solidarity with a charity, I maybe could have gotten on board.
What on earth happened here? I mean, seriously. Is this Rachel Zoe's fault? Who can I blame for this? Somehow, someone tricked Anne Hathaway into wearing a "Prada" gown that is actually a David's Bridal bridesmaids' gown from 1998 in a nude color with the world's WORST darts at the breasts pointing directly to her nipples. This person took it a step further and broke one of the cardinal rules of accessorizing by pairing a high halter neckline WITH A NECKLACE. NEVER. Just never. It was just so surreal, because she has killed it so many times on the red carpet, most especially the year she hosted, and this is the year she actually won! It just screamed late 90's prom to me in the worst way.
Someone tweeted that Salma Hayek looked like she came dressed up as Paula Abdul at the 1990 Grammys and it's not even that off-base. Don't get me wrong; she always looks gorgeous and her make-up is beautiful. But the prom hair + the velvet + the high gold neckline of her Alexander McQueen just came off looking cheap. Which is crazy when you consider her husband is the CEO of PPR, which owns brands like Yves Saint Laurent and Gucci. Girl should never be looking cheap.
I really, really hate to dump on Helen Hunt, who was just trying to be the woman of the people in her H&M dress. But. This is not only a dress we've all seen 500,000,000 times before, often on the rack at our local department store's formal section. It's also wrinkly and pulling in super weird ways and just blah. Being boring is honestly the worst thing when it comes to the Oscars. Her jewelry was equally blah, and it bums me out, because she is smokin' hot.
It seems unfair to dump on stars' wives who will not get any screen time, but I just wanted to say that Mark Ruffalo's wife, Sunrise, appears to be wearing a losing design from a future Project Runway challenge involving making clothes out of outdoor furniture upholstery fabrics. That skirt seriously looks like patio furniture pads. And the cobalt blue clutch looks like a total afterthought, weirdly huge, and strangely shapeless.
So, am I alone in thinking this year's red carpet was a bit of a snoozer? I want my breath taken away, people!