How a Fifth Grade Gym Class Will Kill Me

Ah spring! The flowers are blooming, the pollen is blanketing and I'm coming out of hibernation. Almost every year, spring signals my yearly "oh god, I'm not getting younger I have to get serious about exercising" phase. And of course, I always hope it's not a phase!

Last year, I started the Couch to 5K program in June, with the intention of just starting a good habit. It really did start to become a habit, but I never quite made it to 5K status. Every time I went on a vacation, I scrapped running in favor of walking and swimming and quickly fell behind by mid-Fall. Oy.

A week ago or so, I decided to pick it back up and then of course it started pouring rain every day! While I wait for the skies to dry up, I decided to give this Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred business a shot.

If you haven't tried it (and I think that would make you and I the last people on Earth), it is a torture device disguised as the exact same exercises you did with ease in middle school gym class. Jumping jacks? Easy! Jump rope? Easy! Lunges? Well, never easy but not the worst.

Combine all of them with a 29-year-old out-of-shape body, no lung capacity to speak of, profuse sweating and ever-decreasing flexibility and you have me during my first attempt. Whoo-ee that was not easy at all! But I figure even if I fail to do it every day for 30 days, it's more about creating an exercise habit to combat the lethargy of my regular days. I'm not in it just to lose weight in 30 days; my goal is to start an honest-to-goodness habit of getting some kind of physical activity several times a week.

Have you tried either Couch to 5K or 30-Day Shred? Any other favorite at-home workouts? My all-time favorite workout video is NYC Ballet Workout. It has great cardio, but is slow and steady and makes me feel graceful and happy.

Paging Dr. Amber

Two days ago, I felt a little phlegm in my throat and I told Sean I was going to get sick.
Yesterday, my throat was a little sore.
Last night, my neck felt like it couldn't support my head and I was rapidly developing a sinus headache.
This morning, I felt like my body was its normal size and my head was a Goodyear blimp. Stuffy, achy, sneazy, runny — you know the drill.

So I did what I always do. I broke out the patented "Amber Cure-All for Common Head Cold." Now, I don't think any of this is enlightening, but I swear, I always follow this regimen and I'm never sick for longer than two-to-three days (just watch; I'll be sick for a month now that I said that).



When I wake up with a sore throat, I start small. These are practically industrial-strength Vick's cough drops, and they really do soothe fairly quickly. Now, that doesn't mean I can turn around and eat Tostitos or popcorn. It just means I can swallow slightly better.



If I have to go somewhere, or stay alert for most of the day, then I pop a Sudafed. I hate swallowing pills, so the teeny tiny Sudafed is awesome for me. Funnily enough, whenever I give Sean a Sudafed, he gets worse. Whatevs.



If I don't have to be anywhere important, then I bust out the Dayquil. Supposedly, Dayquil is non-drowsy. But, as my friends and family can attest, there is no such thing as "non-drowsy" for me. EVERYTHING knocks me out. I used to have fever dreams on Dimetapp!

I once came home from school, gave myself some Dimetapp and laid down on the couch for a nap. When my mother woke me up at 8 for dinner, I freaked out, insisted we were missing school and demanded she make me breakfast because I thought it was 8 a.m. the following day. She literally had to talk me down. So that's why I can only take Dayquil when I don't have to be at work. I took some today and multiple times, my head just kind of collapsed backward while I was sitting on the couch. But it works; my neck and throat still hurt a little, but I feel way better.

ALSO: If you're like me, and you get insanely achy, try the Thermocare heating pads for neck and shoulders. It really works, at least temporarily, and they sell a sample size for $2.99.



This part is crucial: tomato soup (I like mine with a little parmesan). Forget chicken noodle; tomato soup is smooth, creamy, filling and can easily be dressed up or dressed down. It also doesn't have creepy, tiny chunks of chicken that you have to go fishing to find. If you're really stuffy, try chicken tortilla soup (I especially love the soup at Cheddar's); the spices will definitely clear those nasal passages.



Finally, I skip the herbal tea with the honey and lemon that everyone always suggests. That's all fine and well, but chai is so much more decadent and deliciouso. ESPECIALLY when served in my beloved "Elvis Lives" mug from Graceland.

The only other tip I have: double fist orange juice and water throughout the day. I don't know why I think that works; it just makes me feel better, like I have control over the situation.

So, what are your superstitious get-better-quick tips? What did mom always do for you when your throat hurt or your tummy ached?