Monday, February 13, 2017

Grammy's Fashion Review 2017

In my opinion (which is the only one that matters), each awards function has its own dress code. Obviously you don't treat the Grammy's like the Oscars. It needs to be funky and rock-and-roll and a little bit glamorous and a little bit crazy. And this year, some stars really delivered and some kind of underwhelmed and some really went out there, with not too much success. Let's review, shall we?

Best Dressed

I mean, Blue Ivy won the night in this mini Prince suit, right? This kid, I swear.

But for real, Rihanna looked not only glamorous in this perfect Armani Prive orange and black skirt combo, but she looked super comfortable!

Truthfully, I could do without the bow at the center of Celine Dion's Zuhair Murad gown, but she looked like a goddess and I just love her whole deal.

I was not familiar with Diana Gordon, but I thought this was such a chic twist on a little black dress with cutouts. Very elegant, but not boring, and accentuated with perfect makeup and gorgeous hair.

Beyonce looked incredible all night, and I loved how she decided to show off her sexy pregnancy body in this Peter Dundas red sequin dress fit for Jessica Rabbit. She looked so cute bouncing to Tribe Called Quest. My cleavage doesn't look this good ever, so kudos to her.

Chrissy Teigen just gets it. She always dresses event-appropriate and excels at straddling the line between trendy, classic and sexy. This bondage-meets-macrame gown was the perfect choice for the Grammy's.

I don't know who Kriss Mincey is and I've never heard of Miri Couture, but they're a great combination. I thought this was an inspired twist on what can be a tired trope: the frou-frou nude gown. The pattern of the lace is almost reptilian, which gives it intrigue, and the exposed shoulders are very on-trend.

There's a chance this might be a hideous gameboard-inspired Maid Marian costume, but I don't care. I thought Adele looked gorgeous in this olive Givenchy, and it was a delightful departure from her usual safe black. Her make-up, too, was looking very California and she brought so much real and human emotion to the night. I just love her.

This is the most sane thing Solange has ever worn and it's still basically stolen from Blanche Devereaux's closet. This pleated gold Gucci was a fantastic choice for the night she won her first Grammy!

Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, still bringing it after all these years. Are these people getting hotter or am I crazy? Also, was anything cuter than when Faith Hill said she also wished Beyonce was her mom? I love the modern sexy simplicity of her Zuhair Murad gown, and red lipstick suits her!

Carrie Underwood stepped out in a similarly cut Elie Madi red gown, but with a different vibe and much more intricate detailing. I thought this was a fun departure for Carrie, who tends to gravitate to sparkly neutrals or princessy dresses. This felt modern and old-world at the same time. If I could change anything, I'd put a little more color on her lips and maybe ditch the bellowing part of the sleeves.

Laverne Cox just GETS it. I don't know if she works with a fantastic stylist or not, but she seems to perfectly get the personality of each event she attends and dresses accordingly. This Bryan Hearns sheath manages to look completely S&M and yet, a little bit proper in its shape. Very rock and roll, and ideal for the Grammy's.

In other circumstances, I might think Kelsea Ballerini's Ines de Santo gown was a little overdone, but for a first-time performer at the Grammy's, it seemed perfect. It was like the sartorial equivalent of a flower field at sunset in Tennessee, which is the look every country singer should be going for. 

Best Worst

Speaking of people who "get" it when it comes to theme dressing, ain't nobody better than Lady Gaga. I mean, obviously this is pushing many, many boundaries but I love it as a big F-U to everybody who dared suggest she had "flab" after the Super Bowl. Plus, she was there for a Metallica duet, so why not dress as a dominatrix? This would be the absolute worst on anyone else, but somehow she's primed us over the years to just nod and move on when she turns up wearing a feather shrug that shows off her underboob and leather hot pants.

Katy Perry's Tom Ford sequin turtleneck looked like absolute slouchy poo from the side, which might be why she posed this way, proving she does indeed have a waist. This is a little bit robot, a little bit Zelda Fitzgerald, and I can see the appeal. Her hair looked like crunchy straw, but her make-up was flawless. It might be ostensibly terrible, but it's at least one of the best worst outfits!

I Mean, It's Good, I Guess

J.Lo was at peak J.Lo in this sexy lavender Ralph & Russo Couture gown accented with a tulle bow from a baby shower gift. It's fine. It's not her best. It's not close to the worst.

This Julien MacDonald design is a slightly more interesting gown than what Demi wore last year, and the macrame detail was obviously a theme for the night. It still doesn't stand out to me, and I have to say that I miss her cute short hair from the "Cool for the Summer" era.

I'm 100% on board for Lea Michele's sexy floral Roberto Cavalli two-piece that almost looks like the windows of a cathedral and shows off her enviable abs. I'm 2% on board for her pink eye make-up. It's just so hard to pull off that look without seeming like you're dying of influenza in 1918.

This starry night Jenny Packham gown on Hillary Scott is really simple and pretty. I would totally borrow this from Rent the Runway. It's not a tremendous standout, but I think it's a great choice that suits her personality and her style.

Tori Kelly here must believe in the luck o' the Irish, because she wore green last year, too! This is a fun dress for Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights, or even formal night on a Caribbean cruise. I don't know if I think it's exciting or special enough for the Grammy's. I do commend her on taking an eensy teensy chance, though.

There is no scenario other than the Grammy's that I'll give a pass for wearing something THIS unabashedly Disney princess, but I kind of liked the contrast of Elle King's Teuta Matoshi gown and Snapchat flower crown with her tattooed arms and sassy red carpet attitude. Fun fact: she's Rob Schneider's daughter! 

Maren Morris's Thai Nguyen Couture gown was, for me, a bit of a head-scratcher. When she stood up to collect her Grammy, I thought, "Oh, okay, that's pretty" and then I saw that it's essentially a lace leotard with an apron and I rolled my eyes. I didn't like it when Taylor did it, and you ma'am, are not Taylor Swift. The color is pretty, the lace is pretty, but this also feels underdesigned. Just cribbing a lot of ideas from other designers and calling it fashion.


The BEST thing about the Grammy's is that people go hard and use it as an opportunity to demand attention. I have never heard of Girl Crush, but I won't quickly forget her ill-fitting ball pit craft project gown. So many questions: How did she sit? How are the balls adhered to the dress? Did she leave them in her wake? Why does the bodice look like it might be made of crepe paper and has the fit of a paper doll's outfit? I mean, good for this girl. There has to be an absolute worst, and she went for it.

No matter your politics, Joy Villa's MAGA Trump dress is just not cute. It could say SHE PERSISTED all over the train and I'd still be side-eyeing this girl's transparent attempt at grabbing headlines. I hope everyone ALL NIGHT asked her specifics about policy, because you don't get to pop out wearing something like this and then dodge questions.

Halsey wore Hugh Hefner's discarded pajamas. They say this was "designed" by Christian Wijnants, but I know the truth: she stole this from T.Boz and owes her credit.

Exhibit A:

Mya wore a pantsuit with a hastily tied ribbon bra situation. Girl, this was your chance to remind us how we really liked you from 2001-2003? Why did you opt for a very daring and ill-fitting ensemble to wear to give a PowerPoint presentation?

Sophie Beem here is apparently an X Factor alumni. She also is wearing a Poison Ivy-inspired Elvis jumpsuit with legs so wide that they appear to be melding back into a skirt, which I have to imagine is a real tripping hazard. She looks so happy, bless her.

No comments: