Fashion Review: 2023 Grammys

Hooray! I am the proud mother of a baby who sleeps through the night (knock on wood), so I'm easing back into my awards show commentary to the best of my ability. 

What better event to start with than the Grammys, the ultimate event in which no one knows quite what to wear. The ensemble needs to strike the right note of drama without veering into try-hard territory — unless it somehow is too delightful to ignore. Too classy is too boring. Too campy requires the confidence and stature to match. It's a tough line to walk! Here are my takes on who nailed it, shocked, awed, and merely showed up.

BEST DRESSED

In the past 20 years, we've had a bit of a red carpet renaissance. There was a time only the very most adventurous of celebs would attempt to sell couture with this level of confidence, but now it's almost a requirement of new pop stars. Some seem more natural than others. Cardi, however, sells this sculptural Guarav Gupta as though she was born in an atelier. The articulated fingers! The peekaboo eye like she's Veronica Lake! The way she leans her hips! A queen. On a night of blue gowns, hers stuck out.

At this point, I feel like the only way Harry Styles could shock me would be by wearing a standard tux. He has managed to fully bring back the greatest of the '70s glam era with such confidence and ease that no one can question it. Under no circumstances could I ever endorse this Egonlab deep square-neck Swarovski harlequin suit on literally anyone else, but on Harry, it's divine.

Machine Gun Kelly is either giving us Red Carpet Tin Man or Red Carpet Conspiracy Theorist Tin Foil Hat-Wearing Man in this Dolce & Gabbana suit. I'm too much of a magpie not to love something this shiny, and I do like the exaggerated fit that almost makes it look like armor. He gave a surprisingly deep red carpet interview talking about imposter syndrome and the jarring nature of craving external validation, summing it up by saying something like "the real award is being an artist." It was sweet.

Sam Smith and Kim Petras and their cadre of unholy backup dancers brought maximum drama to the red carpet, and I love them for it. Look at how he's basically giving the camera a benediction. I appreciate this level of commitment to camp. 

Steve Lacy shows us how you do the classic tux in 2023. His poise and grace in Saint Laurent conjure Prince Rogers Nelson for me (this bone structure!!!) and let's be honest, this is absolutely what a rich Park Avenue grandma would wear to a funeral and he's WORKING IT. I can picture him slipping this entire ensemble out of Lee Radziwill's closet.

Every songstress deserves her princess of the ball moment, and this Prabal Gurung gown on Kelsea Ballerini is a particularly fun one for the Grammys — it manages to combine an electric yellow with cutouts AND a train AND a cape and not feel like too much. 

Atelier Versace dressed at least a couple attendees in couture fit for The Matrix, and I love that dichotomy of soft and hard. This gown, on Anitta, looks like it was made for Catwoman in the best way.

BEST WORST

For the uninitiated, the best/worst category is for outfits that are dancing right on the line of being absolutely fab or absolutely terrible but were presented with a level of confidence and panache that evoke pure delight.

Shania Twain has been hanging out with Harry Styles and maybe he's got her feeling frisky, because she straight up came to the Grammys in this Harris Reed ensemble like Cruella de Vil if she got a makeover from Jessica Rabbit. I can almost picture her on a Chick-fil-A billboard in this compelling us to "eat mor chikin." But you know what? If you can come out of an absolutely heinous divorce with kooky aunt energy, you should flaunt it.

J.Lo essentially wore 3-4 dresses all hodge-podged together by Gucci, with two (count 'em TWO) diamond snake necklaces, and while I do love her maximalism, I craved maybe just one or even two of these dresses. She is always the Most and I love her for it.

To be clear, I genuinely love the understated black-on-black suit paired with a snake diamond necklace, all allowing Lil Uzi Vert's Rick and Morty hair to do all the talking. I honestly love this look, lol, but I'm sure there are many jokes to be made online about electrocution, etc.

GOOD

Adele looks like a modern take on The Gilded Age in her merlot velvet Louis Vuitton gown with sleeves that call to mind warped and bent vinyl. It's interesting, but understated, and that's her vibe. Her makeup is, as always, perfection.

I'm giving Kacey Musgraves a B- on this one. She understood the assignment to be fun for the Grammys with her pale pink Valentino bodysuit and ostrich feather cape. But it honestly feels like something I've seen on her before, and borderline ho-hum! I would have liked to see her zig where I expected her to zag.

Lizzo certainly delivered the drama in her Dolce & Gabbana papaya floral cape, and this color is fabulous on her. It's correct for the event, but it also weirdly feels like a very very very fancy Snuggie.

Doja Cat also wore Matrix couture from Atelier Versace, and I think it's fun to see a classic silhouette rendered in S&M-ready latex or leather. It's traditional with a naughty streak.

Pharrell deserves more credit for paving the way for truly iconoclastic fashion at awards shows — in his gigantic Mountie hat, he truly walked so Harry Styles could run. Sunday night was no exception; he was looking a little bit Eddie Murphy 1983 comedy special in his quilted red leather tracksuit and a little bit Peggy Guggenheim in his fur and teeny tiny diamond sunglasses. Somehow it works!

MEH

Taylor's midnight blue Roberto Cavalli two-piece gown with gigantic chandelier earrings felt very been there, done that for me. It reminded me of Prom 2001, and not in a fun Y2K-is-back way. It's fine, she looks great, yadda yadda yadda. Not one I'd consider memorable.

I'm imagining Camila Cabello excitedly describing her outfit to someone, like "It's pasties, but like, classy." For me, there's not enough there to consider this a design, or even a look. It looks like a hasty doily solution to a problem. 

BEST EARRINGS

I don't usually have a category for this, but Queen Latifah's emeralds were so eye-catching and fabulous, it had to be acknowledged. Also, it was a true pleasure to see her in her element rapping "UNITY" again. I love imagining all these CBS stars getting to relive their baddie days on the same network as their crime procedurals, shocking the seniors.

WORST

Miguel looked at Justin Timberlake's iconic Texas tuxedo from 2001 and said, "I can do you one better" with this all-denim look. It's a denim hoodie on a denim duster over a denim baseball cap with denim jeans that have an exposed-zipper fly, and if you told me he was wearing denim underwear, I wouldn't bat an eyelash.

Menswear designers are trying so desperately to force brown suits back into the public consciousness, and I won't allow it, not on my watch. Jack Harlow has paired a taupe look that my Nana would have declared "serviceable" with leather driving gloves, as though he's a driver for a Russian mobster who knows at any moment he'll have to toss a body in a river. It's not terrible terrible, but it's definitely not good. 

I am so ready for Maren Morris to get a really fantastic stylist (or a new stylist! Something!). She has all the makings of someone who could and should be at the next level, but I actually think her styling is holding her back from red carpet glory. She alternates between looking like a pretty Nashville princess, a Kardashian wannabe and whatever this is meant to be. I don't think her look is defined, and it comes across as weak attempts to be edgy. This Off-White ensemble is so snoozy, and the only thing making it pop is her lightened eyebrows and wet hair look, which are giving me more Laura Palmer washed up in Twin Peaks than Superstar on the Rise.