Grammys 2021 Fashion Review

 Ah, Grammy's time again. Your annual reminder that the Grammy voters have their fingers on approximately 40% of the pulse and "new" means "new to them." I tune in for the performances, but rarely agree with the awards. But in the balance, I at least get to see some high-flying fashion antics!! 

As we've discussed many times here, the fashion rules of the Grammy's are: you betta not be boring. Safe is bad. And bad is also bad. But sometimes bad is fun and that's good? I don't know; it all makes sense in my head. 

Let's review:

BEST-DRESSED

Dua Lipa's flawless performance helped cement her status as the reigning pop princess, giving us 90's nostalgia repackaged so brilliantly on "Future Nostalgia." After a year of no concerts, she was kind enough to give us three in one, complete with Versace costume changes each more dazzling than the previous. We earned this, y'all.

If you've got this body ody ody ody, who can blame you for flaunting it? On the red carpet, Dua wore what amounts to a crystal bathing suit cover up, and I like it, but as a matter of principle, I have long maintained showing the most skin you can isn't actually "fashion." HOWEVER, when I read this article about how it's a Versace tribute to late-90's pop divas Mariah Carey and Christina Aguilera, well...I had no choice but to bump it up to BEST.

Harry has mastered honoring the elders who paved the way through his artful mix and match approach to style. If his Gucci leather suit is giving us Elvis '68 Comeback Special, his boa is pure Elton John and the moves? Just like Jagger. It's been so exciting to see him come into his own as a true original, while still giving these nods to the greatest of glam rock. 

Cynthia Erivo looks like an ancient queen in this silver-and-gold Louis Vuitton gown with to-die-for earrings and nails filed to kill. She has fun with fashion and it's all to our benefit. 

When I saw a shot of the small audience, I spied this look quickly and said, "Who is the duvet? Which one is the cloud?" It turned out it was Noah Cyrus, in the greatest toga party costume you've ever seen. It's by Schiaparelli, and if you know anything about the history of the house, it's a perfect example of their long-held commitment to more-is-more surreal drama. It has an air of The Queen Has Arrived, and when you really are trying to make a name for yourself beyond "little sister," that's a smart move.

We are in the cottagecore era of Taylor Swift, and I appreciate her commitment to feeding the algorithm. This Oscar de la Renta floral dress is a particularly lovely tight color palette that makes it look like a Dutch floral come to life and have you EVER seen a better shoe pairing, I mean really? 

H.E.R wore head-to-toe purple velvet fit for Prince, and I felt I could just picture him somewhere in Rock and Roll heaven asking his couturier to make one in his size. She definitely looks regal. 

Da Baby came out here like the Amadeus of rap, first in a Dolce & Gabbana floral tapestry suit, and then in rhinestone-encrusted Chanel. Da luxury! Da accessories! 

Phoebe Bridgers basically got me through quarantine, and I love her commitment to her goth chic schtick SO SO MUCH, so it's no surprise that I was fully delighted by her couture skeleton suit dress by Thom Browne. 

Lizzo looked a little bit mermaid, a little bit Diana Ross and very glam in her ruched-and-ruffled metallic confection by Balmain accessorized with jumbo glitter clips straight outta Claire's in 1997. I can picture her playing the Hollywood Bowl in this gown with a full orchestra.

BEST ACCESSORY

I genuinely love that Bad Bunny's signature style is basically Deadmau5 pigtail poms and Ali G glasses, but the best accessory of the night has to be his adorable flower. 

COVID CHIC

If all of us would have wanted to be wearing Cynthia's dress pre-COVID, we probably actually want Chika's tie-dye Nike ensemble with matching ruffled mask. Catch me in the club in this, late summer 2021. 

BEST/WORST

On the one hand, who can be mad at a tight palette of poop brown and black by Louis Vuitton? On the other hand, most of the members of BTS look great and then one has what appears to be a tiny mouse hoisting itself up a sweatshirt using the sweatshirt strings as a pulley system? And our friend on the far right has what looks like a big craft flower just plopped on there as an afterthought. Two great little head-scratching moments.

GOOD

So happy for Megan Thee Stallion, who has been one of the most hardworking women in music over the past few years. Her slit-up-to-there TK gown had the cut of Marilyn Monroe's "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" gown, but in a bright shade of orange. It's lovely, if not maybe the most original. It also frankly looked hard to walk in, and if you're going to be running up the stairs over and over to collect your awards, you need mobility.

After a year at home, I think we all can agree Billie Eilish has been onto something with her fashion dedication to stylish comfort. This finely detailed ensemble by Gucci is interesting enough to stand out, but I couldn't quite nudge it up to "best." 

Leave it to Chloe and Halle to make matchy dressing for siblings feel cool. I'm giving a slight edge to Chloe's Louis Vuitton tiger-striped ensemble accessorized with sheer elbow-length gloves and opaque thigh-high boots. 

But Halle looks just as sexy/sweet in her own Louis Vuitton dress with a regal train and headwrap. I love the subtle differences between their gown's patterns.

Your eyes do not deceive you; you have seen every variation of this gown on Jhené Aiko. It is the floofy loofah couture that Giambattista Valli made famous; this version is by Monsoori. So while this style always delivers impact, it is a bit played out. 

MEH

At first glance, I thought our friend Maren Morris was Khloe Kardashian, and apparently most of the internet did as well. It frankly bums me out. I'd like to move past the homogenous ideal of beauty presented by the Kardashians that leads people to overline their lips and smoky eye themselves to the point of being unrecognizable. Her plunging neckline lavender Dolce & Gabbana is pretty, but it feels sort of sleepy considering the occasion.

I like Finneas' honky tonk pink suit in theory but there are some distracting fit issues going on with the lapels; they look like they needed to come down in the chest maybe a couple inches to prevent that distracting gaping. 

WORST

I LOVE HAIM but this custom Prada situation made me LOL. As a group, they look vaguely like Star Trek fleet members dressed for a formal affair. As individuals, they've all got their own brand of weird going on. Left to right, Alana looks like she's serving up Mrs. Robinson mother-of-the-bride with this peekaboo shoulder; Danielle is wearing what my OB-GYN nurse hands me to put on right before my annual visit; and Esme looks like she stole this from Mary Ann Spier's wardrobe before the Babysitter's Club gave her a makeover (while ripping her sleeves in the process). As a style choice, they all opted to wear a hairstyle I call "The Awkwardest Part of Growing Out Bangs." Bless them. 

Doja Cat turned up in a fashion look that can only be described as "Black Tie Fast and the Furious Woman Who Waves the Flag at Street Car Race." But the real VIP here is double-sided tape, doing a lot of work to save Doja from herself. 

I'm not familiar with Jhay Cortez but I would like to talk to him about my missing package since I assume he does work for UPS. I appreciate that he tried to improve upon the uniform, but I fear pedal pusher-length shorts might not be it. 

Bless Miranda Lambert, but this look just isn't working on a few different levels. It's not a great fit, but even if it were a perfect fit, it's just very unremarkable, which is the greatest sin at the Grammys. That chunky platform shoe is the visual equivalent of an anvil.