Monday, January 11, 2016

Fashion Review: Golden Globes 2016

Awards season is BACK! Strap in for two months of gasps, disappointed sighs and unfortunately, a lot of unemotional blinking as we watch stars try to make a statement with couture. The Golden Globes were really delivering some "meh" fashion this year. There were so many dresses that simply didn't move me at all in any direction, which makes for a boring year in my book. Even on the "best dressed" end, I had to actually stare at some of these gowns to convince myself they could probably be called "best." And some of my "worst" wouldn't come close to ranking as worst any other night. It was a milquetoast kind of Globes, y'all. Let's hope the SAG Awards get CRAZY.


There's a little part of me that doesn't want to give Best Dressed to J.Lo because...well, why is she even at these things most of the time? Don't get me wrong; I love her! But girl hasn't been nominated for a Golden Globe anytime recently. Who cares! If someone could be nominated for Awards Show Dressing, she'd be the Meryl Streep of it by now. Her mustard Giambattista Valli is daring, yet classic, looking like a lost Katharine Hepburn costume from The Philadelphia Story. The styling is impeccable: perfect deep burgundy lip, great accessories and sleek hair. A++

It's been a long time since I felt like J.Law was getting anything out of her all-Dior all-the-time agreement, but this futuristic spin on a classic sheath was a winner. Sexy, but still covered up, in a perfect shade of red and a diamond collar fit for Nefertiti. Her make-up looked so good on screen, I told Ashleigh she looked airbrushed. Brava!

Julianne Moore is so consistent in her derring-do and unpredictability. I love the futuristic cut of this slinky Tom Ford gown, a great shade of sapphire with her red hair. Her big chunky ring strikes the exact right note; any other jewelry would have distracted from the sparkle.

Lady Gaga's Atelier Versace black gown is so deceptively simple, but the exaggerated hips, the luxuriousness of the velvet and the beautiful sweetheart neckline show great craftsmanship. I always knew, back in the meat dress days, that these days were just around the corner: when she would shock us by showing up looking like Hitchcock's lost heroine.

Viola Davis's galaxy dress by Marchesa is pretty much my dream dress for when I film my Ginger Rogers-style dancing musical. Every girl wants to feel, for one night, like the center of the universe and in this dress, Viola is the sun, the moon and the stars.

BUT...Jenna Dewan gave her a run for her money in her similarly beautiful navy-and-silver confection, a perfectly elegant gown by Zuhair Murad.

Olivia Wilde was sexy and smoky in this Studio 54-worthy, disco-meets-Jessica Rabbit gown by Michael Kors. The most perfect necklace was the cherry (or ruby) on top. She almost always looks good, and yet I'd probably never remember to mention her if I had to name my best-dressed of modern times.

I must have a thing for Latinas in canary and mustard, but I was also smitten with America Ferrara's sexy and sophisticated Jenny Packham dress.

Helen Mirren is #flawless. Her Badgley Mischka is like the sleek older sister of Lady Gaga's gown. She looks amazing from top to bottom, from red lip to diamond necklace.

White dresses were de rigueur at the Globes, but a couple stood out to me. I loved Laverne Cox's confident choice of a simple white gown by Elizabeth Kennedy; it was the designer's first shot at red carpet fame. She makes it interesting with a dark lip and sweet updo.

My main girl Saiorse Ronan looked like the Irish angel she is in her delicate Yves Saint Laurent gown. It's sexy, but not so sexy it makes me feel awkward that I still think of her as the little girl from "Atonement."

Jaimie Alexander keeps messing with my mind in her 80's throwback gowns. This geometric Genny gown is a bit 1920's futurist-meets-late 80's holiday Barbie and for reasons I cannot understand, it's working.

I have to give Zendaya credit for making every turn on the red carpet seem fresh and interesting. Her triple-tiered Marchesa gown makes her look statuesque, and the color reminds me of rich Russian novel heroines.

My friend texted me that Queen Latifah appears to have reduced her bust and indeed, she did look so perfectly fitted and comfortable and luminous in this dress that is apparently from her own collection. Maybe she should be designing for all the curvier ladies?

I hesitated to put Rosie Huntington Whiteley's Atelier Versace gold gown in the list because it's too easy. You could probably put her in a Project Runway unconventional challenge losing outfit and she'd still look gorgeous. But I'll grudgingly admit everything is coming together for her in this dress: it somehow looks like a glamorous yet casual gown befitting an Australian.

I also grudgingly added this year's golden girl, Brie Larson, who I LOVE. Her Calvin Klein dress is fine; it's sexy and glittery and disco-ey. She won't regret it, but it felt like something I've seen many times before, and a little J.Lo at the Grammy's for my taste.

Pretty Good...Almost Great

I'm usually on board for Cate Blanchett's couture adventures, but even I had to pause over her rose-lilac Givenchy couture gown. On the one hand, she gets a pass for being who she is and looking like she is literally glowing. On the other hand, this is clearly lingerie made for a saloon cabaret, no? Her one-sided faux bob also is weirding me out a bit...or is it working? Help me decide if this is great!

When I first caught sight of Kate Bosworth's sparkly Dolce & Gabbana, I joked that she looked like a 90's Miss America contestant. She also looks like a Barbie. I don't like the details on the top half at all, but I have to admit the size and texture of these sequins have hypnotized me, and the color is much more interesting in still photos than on camera. Do I maybe LOVE it?

I can acknowledge Melissa McCarthy's liquid blue-silver gown looks a little bit like trash bag couture. It's also the best thing I can remember her wearing in ages. One change I'd like: fitted sleeves or at least cuffs, rather than these super loosey-goosey bell sleeves.

Is it weird I don't love this Gucci? I like the pleating effect for sure. I don't think I object to the color or the roses at the collar. Is it maybe Amber Heard I don't like? I can't pinpoint it, but I just couldn't put this in my "best" column. I'm thinking it's entirely personal and that in a year I'll realize I'm crazy.

Bryce Dallas Howard charmingly told Giuliana Rancic that she bought her Jenny Packham right off the rack because she didn't have any good loaner options for a size 6. That's ludicrous, and good for her! I just wish I loved it more. I like it ok. But it's not love for me.

Gina Rodriguez's navy Zac Posen gown was lovely. I love the architectural work on the bodice, and she definitely hit the off-the-shoulder trend. But at the end of the day, it wasn't a wow! I'd like to see her push a little bit more out of her comfort zone.

I'm a recent Kirsten Dunst convert. I've been generally disliking her since about 4th grade and then I listened to her very charming Nerdist interview and decided we could hang. Her Valentino black gown felt at once sexy and old-fashioned romantic. I liked it, but I wanted a little something more from it.

This is fine, I guess. Malin Akerman's Reem Acra gown is really lovely, with really beautiful details. Not memorable though. 

God bless sweet Rachel Bloom! She's so real and funny, and I was very charmed by her speech. I also think her Christian Siriano gown is a perfect first-showing for a red carpet newbie. It isn't ah-mah-zing, but it's well-fitted, a great color and on-trend.

I'm really into one of the two dresses Regina King is wearing by Krikor Jabotian. I like the sequined front one; not so much the angel cape one in the back. 


On the one hand, I like the idea of a redhead pulling off hot orange. On the other hand, Amy Adams's Atelier Versace dress is a true-blue meh snoozefest.

Kate Winslet looks great in her Ralph Lauren, blah blah blah. She also wears some variation of a navy gown to everything ever and I'm ready to be excited by her again.

Katy Perry looks like a severely constipated mannequin in this picture, and I kind of love that. Her Prada is clearly one of the most uncomfortable things she's ever worn (for a laugh, look at her got-to-pee stance in these pictures). Her hair is pure Priscilla Presley, which is cool with me. Fit is her real issue here.

Leslie Mann's Monique Lhuillier is the opposite of Katy Perry's. I don't mind a blouson top, but even she looks skeptical about whether it was a good idea. It feels like a business blouse from Ann Taylor adapted into formal wear.

In still photos, I don't mind Lily James's Marchesa gown. It's diaphanous and she looks like a young Jessica Lange. But on screen, being weirdly hit on by Jamie Foxx in front of his daughter, her boobs felt very OUT and almost lopsided because of the draping.

This Maggie Gyllenhaal 1920's wallpaper Marc Jacobs gown is a thing that happened. It wasn't the worst. It wasn't the best. I'm sure I would have loved it on the runway.

Much love for Taraji P. Henson, but this Stella McCartney isn't terribly flattering and is possibly doing very weird things to her posture. It's not bad though, and she looked pretty. Just like she needed to let a few inches out.

Worst Dressed

I mean, is this the worst? Is it so wrong to turn your bedskirt into couture? Is it a problem to wear little girls' skirts around your shoulders? This Yves Saint Laurent is almost working....and yet it made me laugh every time I saw it. Never change, Jane Fonda.

At least a couple women seemed to offer their own couture interpretations of Star Wars. Emilia Clarke didn't quite hit the mark for me in this Darth Vadar-esque Valentino gown. Use the force, Emilia. Use the force to get a better stylist.

Meanwhile, Rooney Mara offered her fancy Alexander McQueen dress interpretation of Rey, complete with the multi-pony of our futuristic dreams. I love her misery at being forced to make trade-offs in order to be a movie star. Sorry bout it. Also, I've been hating every iteration of this design since Jennifer Connelly first tried to convince me I like mummy gowns back in 2002.

I can only assume Zoe Kazan took her sartorial cues from The Fifth Element and Mad Max: Fury Road. This bandage-on-bandage chevron Miu Miu dress is doing nothing for her. I imagine she thought it would be edgy and modern; not so much.

I almost didn't include this picture of Gaby Hoffman giving terribad duck face because it's just too obvious, but then I scrolled down to see her Green Bay Packers Cheese Wedge heels and realized it was too good to pass up. Jill Soloway gets a pass for having a solid schtick, though.

Kate Hudson is really counting on her hotness selling this formal Band Aid, early aughts Michael Kors prom ensemble, but I'm not falling for it.

Rachel McAdams, you deserve better than a wrinkly pillow fabric gown. It's by Lanvin, supposedly. I'm not convinced it isn't actually a cast-off from Urban Outfitters.

I'm not sure Eva Longoria really belongs on the WORST list, but double bows? I dunno about that. Her George Hobeika dress has spirited, sweet embroidery that seems to pay tribute to Mexican handicrafts. But it also has a bow at the collar AND another one just a few inches lower. Really? There's gotta be a moment at which you take stock of what's happening: embroidery, rhinestones, ribbon, bows, trains, slits and say, "Maybe I should scrap ONE of the things happening here."

And last but not least, Taylor Schilling, you are no Liza Minelli and the sooner you realize that, the better.

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