My rubric is a little something like this: 30 points for drama, 30 points for dressing to the theme of the exhibition, 30 points for accessorizing and 10 points for confidence. If you don't dress to the theme, I'm automatically mentally deducting 30 points. I'm no minimalist when it comes to the Met ball, so if you're not dressing for drama, there's 30 points.
DIVA Status
The internet had a field day with Rihanna's outfit, making completely LOL-worthy comparisons to Big Bird, an omelette and a giant pizza. But for the event, this was perfect. The minute I saw it, I was like, "GIRL GETS IT." The whole point of the Met Gala is to have fun with fashion, to be bigger and bolder than anywhere else, and I had to give her super kudos for living it up large. The outfit was designed by Chinese designer Guo Pei, which is also worthy of super kudos.
Karen Elson's outfit read a little more Russian princess than Chinese empress to me, but I loved it just the same for all the same reasons. Perfect drama, perfect accessorizing.
I fear Sarah Jessica Parker might have swung a little too far on the theme, and her headdress is definitely more costume than fashion, but I gotta give it up for her commitment to being the ballsiest, year after year.
Best Dressed
I am a broken record when it comes to complaining about Kristen Wiig's seeming aversion to color and attraction to dowdy, boring dresses. So when I saw this shot of her looking resplendent in the evening's color, as rendered by Prabal Gurung, I was so delighted. She looks the best she's ever looked, period.
Just about every Chinese actress was in attendance, and they all did their home country proud by wearing modern takes on traditional motifs. My favorite was Zhang Ziyi's elegant white gown, with pretty details on the skirt and lovely red flowers on the cheongsam neckline. She looked luminous.
Lizzy Caplan looked like pure glamour in her dripping satin Donna Karan atelier. I would have never in a million years guessed this came from Donna Karan, but the draping is pure DK and I'm in love with the beading detail. Fringe earrings are where it's at, too.
Rose Byrne's sexy Calvin Klein reminded me of the delicately beautiful red lace envelopes used for Chinese New Year, wrapping her up like a pretty package! She almost always gets it right and makes it look easy.
Helen Mirren has perfected the art of looking sexy while looking demure. Her laser cut Dolce & Gabbana was perfectly on theme, and she accessorizes like a pro.
Amanda Seyfried's Givenchy Haute Couture doesn't exactly call to mind China, but it was interesting, delicate and a gorgeous cut for her.
I was in love with the beading and cutwork detail on Jessica Hart's Valentino. It reminds me of the fine work of cinnabar carving, so it was perfectly on-theme without being costume.
George and Amal win for my best dressed couple. I mean, c'mon. Her Maison Margiela looks like a gown for Wonder Woman in the best way.
I love people who have the capacity to always surprise, and that's Cher. Wouldn't we all have expected her to be wearing SJP's headdress, and yet here she is, looking sleek as all get out in Marc Jacobs.
From the waist up, Dianna Agron's Tory Burch dress is a boring been-there-done-that, but the lovely cranes were a nice scroll-down surprise.
Michael Kors did an amazing job referencing the Chinese cheongsam silhouette in a modern way on this glimmering gown for Kate Hudson.
I don't know if Kerry Russell's Altuzarra was on-theme per se, but I want to be buried in it, so that's saying something.
A few different people on the red carpet tried to do dressy pants, but none did it better than Sienna Miller in this sparkly fringed Thakoon ensemble. I looooooove her earrings so much.
Zendaya Coleman has proved to be a smart risk-taker on the red carpet this year, and her custom Fausto Puglisi sun-themed gown was the perfect mix of daring, interesting and age-appropriately youthful.
Close, But No Cigar
Vogue predictably loved Chloe Sevigny's JW Anderson outfit, but I predictably was not feeling the ensemble. I think the dress on its own works, but the styling of the accessories and hair were feeling way off to me.
Like the rest of her family, Kendall Jenner went for sexy rather than interesting. Considering she's halfway to being a supermodel, I thought she could've found something more exciting for this event than this (still lovely, just boring) Calvin Klein sheath.
The internet made lots of jokes that Anne Hathaway looked like Princess Leia in her hooded Ralph Lauren. I thought it was close to the right vibe and reminded me a little of L.A. Confidential, but it felt a little precious and could've used some interesting accessories or a more daring make-up look.
Katy Perry's Jeremy Scott graffiti-inspired dress was just OK to me. It's fun and cheeky and not boring, but it also felt out of place. I'm all about dressing to the theme, guys.
In any other scenario, I'd say Elizabeth Banks looks amazing (although WAY too tan), but her turquoise Michael Kors just felt off the mark for the Met Ball. I guess she wanted to really have a sexy moment, and I guess I can respect that, but doesn't this feel more Grammy's or MTV Movie Awards?
I'm pretty convinced Dior hates Jennifer Lawrence and the feeling is mutual. She never looks happy in their outfits and they never do anything for her.
Worst
Selena Gomez's Vera Wang just fits terribly. It makes her look wide and lumpy, which we know is not the case, and for some reason she looks over-accessorized even though she really isn't. It's just not quite there for me.
Linda Evangelista once said of the supermodels, "We don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day." Well girl, I'm guessing that ain't the truth these days. This is a lumpy, wrinkly mess that doesn't make sense considering she's still got it. She needs to work those designer connections from days of yore because she rarely sets the red carpet on fire these days.
I don't really know who Constance Jablonski is, but if she's just going to wear what Rachel Greene used to basically wear to work on Friends, I doubt I'll ever remember her.
And last but not least, Dylan Lauren came in a sparkly tee and tulle skirt combo that appeared to have been bedazzled by a four-year old. The fit is doing nothing for her figure...hike the skirt up just a few inches and BOOM, already a million lightyears better, but still a total miss.
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