What I'd Wear to the Oscars

I'm pretty pumped for this weekend's Super Bowl...err...Oscars, which is, as you know, my favorite televised event of the year. As much as I love to critique the fashions, I like to consider the real challenge it must be to find the perfect gown that might take on a life of its own and go down in fashion history. Tall order! So, in my fantasy land, here's what I'd consider wearing on the big night.

If I Were a Nominee's Date

When you're not nominated and not a presenter, but just there to support your significant other, you kind of have to acknowledge it's not your time to shine. You need to be sophisticated and interesting, but not overly attention-seeking or flashy. I think this emerald green Elie Saab would do the trick; elegant, but demure and not overly LOOK AT ME. I'd pair it with an interesting antique piece of jewelry, like this emerald, ruby and diamond Indian bracelet.

Nominated for a Non-Acting Award

I always feel bad for the female nominees who aren't actresses and therefore don't have designer begging to dress them. Female directors, producers, documentarians, etc. shouldn't have to wear off-the-rack dresses! If I were one of them, I'd angle for something like this beautiful gold floral Badgley Mischka...a little sparkle, a demure cut that allows you to wear a bra (most of these ladies aren't going to be strapped into their dresses with double-stick tape by a pro stylist) and something that will look nice, not boring. I'd love to see something like this paired with delicate antique earrings that play off the design motifs of the dress.

A first-time presenter

The first-time presenting spot is usually a plum gig reserved for an up-and-coming ingenue. In the past, it's truly been a breakthrough moment for actresses looking to shed their teenybopper status and play in the big leagues. When I picture who this girl might be, I picture Margot Robbie, who just turned in a great performance in "Wolf of Wall Street." It's a chance to say, "I'm sexy, I'm classy, Girls want to be me, Boys want to sleep with me, Cast me in your next movie." 

That's a mouthful, but I think this delicate, ethereal Elie Saab (i'm a sucker for Elie Saab when it comes to red carpet) would say all that and more. I'd keep the accessories simple, and maybe zhush up the dress a bit with this lovely antique brooch.

America's Sweetheart, after a lot of fashion missteps

So basically this entire category exists for Julia Roberts, who's been looking a little hot messy lately and for no damn good reason. She's a gorgeous woman, beloved by many, with a great body and an ease that only comes from literally starring in "America's Sweethearts." I'd like to see her play a bit with that line between sexy and confident by wearing a slinky Naeem Khan gown and on-trend diamond tassel earrings that would look gorgeous in her beautiful wavy hair. Bring sexy back, Julia!

Favorite to win Best Supporting Actress

I can't imagine more of a stylists' dream than Lupita Nyong'o. She's incredibly elegant, svelte, looks amazing in every color, is willing to be a little edgy and is sweet to boot. I love her in bright colors and I just love the idea of her working a gown with as much Cinderella-at-the-ball volume as this one by Oscar de la Renta. You could go simple with it and wear plain diamond studs, but I also like the idea of going really funky, and these 19th-century French earrings would certainly fit the bill.

A Grand Dame

Every year, there's a grand dame — Meryl Streep or Judi Dench — and they tend to be wearing a real snoozer of an outfit. That's fine and part of me figures they've done this dance more than a few times, why make a big deal? But the other part of me wonders if it has more to do with no designers really wanting to work with them. Helen Mirren somehow always looks awesome, so clearly she's figured out the secret. I think this Marchesa gown would truly fit a woman of any age, but would look particularly fetching on Meryl with a set of simple stud earrings.

Favorite to win Best Actress

When someone as adventurous as Cate Blanchett appears to be the front-runner, it makes me wanna stretch a little bit on what I think would be an awesome dress for the Best Actress winner. Usually, I go for dramatic ball gowns, but this Zuhair Murad gown just seems like something she could knock out of the park. Unexpected, edgy as hell, yet still elegant. Could be interesting!

That said, I am dying to see someone rock this Ulyana Sergeenko gown that reminds me of the drama in one of my favorite paintings of all time, Madame X by John Singer Sargent. It's basically the kind of gown I'd be designing if I designed couture. I'd keep it very classic, very turn-of-the-century French with these Victorian diamond earrings. 

What about you? Agree? Disagree? You'd wear a pantsuit with beaded fringe? Tell me all about it.