Fashion Review: Grammys 2013

Am I crazy in thinking a Grammy's fashion review is almost pointless? The reality is that the line between good and bad gets decidedly murky when you're dealing with people who think nothing of wearing Reddi Whip bras or bubble dresses. It sort of leaves you to acknowledge what was good and what was disappointing based purely on each artist's previous outings. But, what the hey? It's Monday and we wanna talk fashion.

Best Dressed

My husband was a bit distracted by the transparency of it, but I thought Rihanna's custom Azzedine Alaia was the most elegant yet sexy showing she's ever had on the red carpet. She looked feminine and fierce, and softer than she ever has. The back was especially lovely, too.

Taylor Swift looked predictably lovely in white J. Mendel, trimmed with silver lame. I loved the pleating of the Grecian-inspired gown, and it was perfectly accessorized with purple gems in her bracelet and her DIY glitter mani.

Under any normal circumstances, I can't promise this wouldn't land in my bad column, but for some reason this totally works. Katy Perry told Ryan Seacrest it was inspired by 70's Priscilla Presley and I TOTALLY get that. The bejeweled neckline was really lovely, and for her, this is seriously grown-up and restrained...well...as much as you can restrain her assets.

I could swear Carly Rae Jepsen's dress appeared more blue on TV, but even here, the quicksilver color is lovely. Her Roberto Cavalli fit well and looked age-appropriate and glamorous.

Good

I wouldn't usually advocate for giant arrows to one's crotch. But for some reason, for this occasion, on this girl, I said, "Dayummmmm Kelly, get it!" The Grammy's are all about getting attention, and she sure 'nuff did that.

Kimbra (of "Somebody That I Used to Know" fame) has that retro glamour girl thing going, so I thought the ice capades factor of this gown works for her. It's very Gold Diggers of 1933. Now if Halle Berry wore it to the Oscars, I'd be like, "GEEZ woman! You've already worn this 6 times already!!"

On the Fence

On one hand, this Valentino couture dress is totally Adele's style...retro, ladylike. But it also seems a little too grannyish, a little too buttoned up. 

Florence's reptilian Givenchy gown is obviously crazy and almost resembles armor made from turtle shells, like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle couture tribute. BUT, that's very her, isn't it? And green is so lovely on pale gingers...so I'm torn.

Bad

When Beyonce arrived on the Red Carpet, I was like, "oh, obviously this is her boring outfit just so we are that much more dazzled when she appears on stage wearing a dress made of Grammy's." So imagine my surprise when it turned out that, no, this really is it. It kind of looks like a business appropriate take on the bodysuit, as interpreted by Chico's. And no, that's not a good thing.

Because we can't imagine what decision-making led to J.Lo's outfit, Ashleigh and I concocted the following backstory: J.Lo overslept, so Ashleigh super-quick whipped up a gym-appropriate topknot with her wet hair and then I made a toga out of a black satin sheet from a frat house. In all seriousness, her Anthony Vaccarello gown isn't all that flattering, the one-leg obnoxiousness is played out and this just feels almost predictable. 

Craziest

When Carrie Underwood's dress lit up with a scroll, I for real thought we were about to have another illuminati scandal. I just...don't have words. I don't need a 3D TV. I don't need a mini iPad. I don't need a clear dishwasher, though Jack Donaghy is certainly onto something. And I really, really don't need projection screen couture. Imagine the home movies. Just imagine.