Oscars 2012: What I Would Wear

For years, I've indulged in my own little private Fashion Police on this blog, tearing apart celebrities or putting them on pedestals. But last year, I tried something new. I put myself in their shoes, and tried to figure out what I would have worn. I've been too busy to get psyched about this year's show, but to get myself in the mood, I figured I'd plan out my imaginary turn on the red carpet. 

If I Were ... A Nominee's Date
or a Nominated Documentarian

I might wear this breezy, crinkly Oscar de la Renta dress. It's understated enough to show that I know no one's watching this show for me, but it's also a gorgeous, universally flattering color and no one will put me on a worst-dressed list for letting my dress wrinkle! 

I actually love the necklace shown with the dress on the runway, so using that as inspiration, I flipped for this ruby and emerald antique necklace.

This understated Badgely Mischka is beautifully cut, interesting and a lovely color. I can easily imagine it on one of those documentarian ladies who always look like they totally weren't prepared for this amount of attention.

I'd accentuate the beautiful neckline by swooping my hair up into a Victorian 'do, secured with this antique butterfly hairpin.

If I Were ... A Presenter

Let's say I'm one of those people who's always randomly invited to present an award, like Zoe Saldana or Cameron Diaz or Jessica Alba. I'd go for this gunmetal, sparkly-but-edgy Monique Lhuillier dress. It doesn't need any jewelry to compete...I'd probably follow the styling here and do a matte red or hot pink lip and gorgeous soft sculpted curls.

If I Were ... A First-Time Nominee

I'd burst onto the scene with this frothy, gilded Zac Posen gown. It's pure drama — sexy and Old Hollywood all combined. It's an attention-grabber, but not for the wrong reasons. In this scenario, I'd imagine I'm a Rooney Mara or even (unnominated) Shailene Woodley.

Just to show that I don't follow the pack, I'd skip the diamonds in favor of dramatic and interesting antique earrings, like these emerald and gold danglers.

If I Were ... A Grand Old Dame

If I've learned anything, it's that older actresses who are universally revered and have been down that carpet a million times are all about sleeves and simplicity. I'd love to see Meryl Streep swan around in a bold color, like this sparkly Michael Kors gown. 

And although she's been on a frump parade lately, I think Glenn Close could rock a slightly less mermaid-y version of this Zac Posen gown. It's got sleeves and is fairly modest, but it's a showstopper.

I'd pair it with an antique floral diamond necklace, perfect for a distinguished decolletage.

If I Were ... The Favorite to Win

I would come dressed to win in this liquid gold, pure romance Marchesa gown. Sure, it's cliche, but dressing like the Oscar worked for Sandra Bullock! Plus, I love the Madame X quality to the neckline, and the way the fabric folds like a rose. There is no bad angle on that gown...and just imagine it on Viola Davis! She'd look slammin'. (Can I bring slammin' back, by the way?)

I'd bling it up with diamond and polished-emerald sparklers, but maybe even go more minimal and just wear some simple antique diamond drops.

And if I were feeling especially daring, I might don this wisteria Monique Lhuillier. Seriously...no jewelry needed.

So what do you think? Am I crazy? Will you send me a check if one of these dresses actually shows up on the red carpet? 

As always, I'll be tweeting the show @amberfi. I don't tweet much, but I go all out for awards shows!