Oscar Fashion 2011

So, the show was pretty meh last night, right? I thought Anne Hathaway came off as a hammy suck-up (not to say she isn't talented...she is) and James Franco seemed like he wanted to be anywhere but there. The production sucked, too. The montages seemed like they were cut and pasted from previous telecasts, the script was awful, the presenters seemed like they didn't get to rehearse enough and splitting the song category up was just dumb. BUT, there was fashion, was there not? So let's talk about it!

YES!

I think there is something to be said for awards show fatigue. I've been watching most of the awards shows for nearly 20 years now, so I tend to have somewhat unrealistic expectations when it comes to fashion. I want my breath taken away! Gwyneth Paltrow, in Calvin Klein, did that for me. She just looks straight up fierce. That fit is flawless, the color is glitzy, the brooch adds interest and she looks like who she needed to be for the night: a performer who wasn't nominated.

So my co-worker took one look at Cate Blanchett's edgy Givenchy Haute Couture and said, "ew, blech." I know some people on the Twitter said she had a picture frame around her boobs, and someone else said the jewels looked like growths. But you know what? I freakin loved it. Cate is one of a handful of people who can look at couture and say, "Yep, I can rock that" and find a way to translate it with ease to the red carpet. The dress hung and moved beautifully, and her haircut was bangin, too.

Amy Adams looked old-school glamorous in this super sparkly L'Wren Scott gown. I was an eensy bit annoyed by the necklace; for some reason I have just always hated y-necklaces over crew necks, but her hair was glorious and that dress looked amazing on camera. Plus, 500 points for color.

Natalie Portman's Rodarte gown was a gorgeous color, elegant and looked comfortable, which is great for a pregnant woman. I won't lie...Catherine Zeta-Jones is still my favorite pregnant Oscar winner, but this really lovely. I just needed something a little more...BAM. But I'm giving her the pregnancy pass.

I know we've seen this dress a few times, but I just LOVED Hailee Stanfield's Marchesa gown, which she had a hand in designing. It was exactly what I would have wanted to wear when I was 15, and also maybe my dream wedding dress. She'll never have regrets about this one.

My life goal is to grow up to be Helen Mirren. This Vivienne Westwood was age appropriate, but also sexy as hell, and did all the right things for her. The sleeves also emphasized her new short hairsdo to great effect, and gunmetal just slays me.

I thought Mandy Moore looked ethereal and elegant in this Monique Lhuillier. It was definitely safe, and I'm pretty sure someone wears a variation of this dress every year, but the styling was excellent and she seemed regal on the red carpet.

I like this Michelle Williams' Chanel gown more every time I see it. She's really rocking the Mia Farrow hair and the dress was sleek without being boring. I love that she resisted the urge to accessorize the crap out of it, as I would have done.

I lurved this Elie Saab gown on the runway, but in practice, it looked like an FCC violation waiting to happen. I also thought the color seemed a little dull on Mila, but for a first-timer, this was a good showing.

Let's get this out of the way. Jennifer Lawrence did everything about her first Oscars right. She didn't come dressed to win, because she knew better. She arrived early so she'd actually get a chance to talk without competing for attention. And she wore something that hugged her long limbs, and just generally made her look like a Baywatch babe.

BUT, and this is a big but, I was totally irked by this because I wanted someone to point out that we've seen this dress before. What you don't remember? Check this out. I just need a little more creativity for the Oscars, you know?

I wasn't really dying over Jennifer Hudson's orange Versace, but it's certainly not bad, and girl gets major kudos on the body. The cleavage made me feel an eensy bit awkward, though.

Sandra played it a bit safe in this red Vera Wang, but in a night of red dresses, I thought this was maybe the best. She also resisted the urge to drape herself in diamonds. Do you think she could have used a little bling?

And although I think we can all agree that Anne was like a scrappy Rachel Berry wannabe all night, her haute couture Givenchy dress was gorgeous. 

Meh

Anne's red Valentino didn't do it for me, though. I thought it looked like an amalgamation of every red dress she's ever worn, with a bit of duvet magic thrown in.

Under normal circumstances, I might be dazzled by this frothy Marchesa, but on Halle Berry, I was yawning. She wears spangly, frothy nude-colored dresses every where. I feel like I've seen this 1 million times. I get that we're all attracted to certain things, but I'd love to see her wear a hot color, like a fuschia or electric blue. She has the complexion to wear any color!

I always think of Hilary Swank as a sort of boring also-was-there girl on the red carpet. I loved her own Oscar-winning bronze dress, but this was so done. I swear Penelope Cruz has worn that three times.

I keep flip-flopping on Nicole's dress. I remember really loving it when it came down the Christian Dior Haute Couture runway, but in practice, it just kind of moved awkwardly and didn't seem to fit like the proverbial glove. It seemed like a hybrid between Renee Zellweger's winner dress and a kimono, and maybe a tablecloth and I just wasn't sure. I do, however, love the bright shoe.

Honey, No

Florence Welch seems to only wear Victorian nightgowns stained with tea. This dress was Valentino couture, and unlike the others, I didn't like it on the runway either. I think she might also hate her boobs, because she seems to insist on never supporting them properly.

Marisa, I love vintage as much as the next girl. But you know how sometimes, you find a great dress on the hanger at the vintage store and you push yourself into it, and the bust line feels strangely high and the stomach part barely fits and the tulle seems kind of dingy with age? That's what happened here. Even her face seems to say, "Yeah, I know guys, but I'm here and I have to at least try to sell it. Please stop judging me."

Melissa Leo's Marc Bouwer dress was.....like a doily masterpiece? An angel's dressing robe? Composed of first-graders' paper snowflakes? Sigh.

Reese looks like a Barbie bridesmaid. I literally remember people wearing this bridesmaid's dress, except theirs weren't by Armani.

I honestly don't have much to say about Scarlett Johansson's dress except that I hated it the minute I saw it; I hate the tone-on-tone pattern, I hate the weird, weird thing it did to her boobs, I hate her eye make-up, I hate her "I just swam at the beach" hairsdo...I just hate.

I love when Sharon Stone leaves the house because she reminds me of a real-life Cruella DeVille. I like feathers as much as the next person but she literally looks like she's molting. The Tippi Hedron in the Byrds hairdo didn't help the effect, either.

Annnnnnnnnnnd my favorite of the worst: Sunrise Ruffalo, wearing Two Face Couture. Just....no.

So what did you guys think? Kinda boring year, right? And it really shouldn't have been. Coming up later: I'll subject myself to criticism! Someone tweeted me to say, "Well, what would you have worn?!" and I'll tell ya, I don't back down from a challenge.